I don't make brownies every day. I don't sew bow ties or make cute cards or crafts every day. I don't keep my house spotless--as anyone who has ever been to my house can attest. I don't take pictures every day. I am not great at personal finance. I don't eat as many green vegetables as I should. I don't make my bed every day. I should probably read more non-fiction. I waste time. I don't keep the laundry caught up. I call people "idiot" when I'm driving. I make typos and grammatical errors (*gasp*).
I feel like there are all these expectations society has placed on me because I am a wife and a mom and all these aspirations and dreams that I have for myself, but the reality is much different. Mostly I feel like I'm spending my time trying not to be crushed under the weight of it all; like all my failed attempts at goodness are just going to topple over on me and bury me in an avalanche of dirty dishes, forgotten appointments and tardy slips in my boys' take home folders from school.
Some days I'm doing good if I can manage to feed my kids leftovers or cold cereal for dinner and make them go to bed without having a nervous breakdown in the process.
Some days I feel really sad and really alone.
Some days I supervise as little boys fill in the 18" pit the neighbor kids dug in the yard so that we aren't "assessed damages" by the property management.
Some days I have to launder the sheets that I just washed two days ago because I didn't remind a certain little boy to go to the bathroom before going to bed.
Some days I get after my teenager because he isn't nearly as organized and responsible as I would hope (and I don't know how to teach him to become so) and he didn't do something important that I asked him repeatedly to do.
After days like today the best thing for me to do is curl up with a glass of pink milk (or ice cream or chocolate) and escape into a book until I'm ready for sleep and then hope and pray that tomorrow is better.
Chances are it probably will be. And if it isn't? Well then there's always the day after that.
15 comments:
Oh, Jill. Why aren't we neighbors? Sorry for the bad day/week/month/year. You aren't alone! Enjoy your pink milk, and have sweet dreams of better days. (unless you are like me and you dream about playing softball with your high school crush and wake up feeling guilty about subconsciously dream-cheating on your husband.)
First of all, I hope the parents of the neighbor boys who dug the hole are taking some responsibility for their children helping to fill it up.
Secondly, none of us is ever alone...we always have Heavenly Father to talk to.
I hope you can get some restful sleep tonight. Feeling rested helps to make life seem less overwhelming.
Remember, we aren't supposed to compare ourselves to others.
Make some time for yourself without feeling bad about it!
There is a difference between "perfect obedience" and being perfect.
(((((Jill)))))
I identify with your beautiful, imperfect honesty, Jill! Like Heidi, I wish we were neighbors - and in some ways we are - those close to us know there's always behind-the-scenes-stuff going on. Thank you for sharing the good and the bad - and know that you are never alone. I'm right there with you - prayer, hugs and lots of books keep my hectic days in check. Actually, the good ones, too! ;)
xoxo michele
I have had a week like this. Some details are different, some are the same. Motherhood: not for wimps. We are in this together though, right?
Thank you for your painfully honest sharing, Jill! I read your blog because I know you are not perfect, but you try very hard to do things well and you sure seem to work hard at finding the good in your day. From simple things to big things...and that, quite honestly, gives me motivation and encouragement to do the same. Wishing we were closer so these momversations could be in person. So, I will raise my glass of Nestle Quik to you tonight and clink our virtual glasses...cheers to choosing happiness!
I agree with Heidi, I wish we were neighbors. :) I felt this same way about a week ago and luckily the next day was Sunday so I could be reminded of that constant goodness in my life. I look up to you and am grateful I'm not the only one who isn't perfect. Love you!
Love you too, Heather. Hooray for Sundays and weekends in general! Seeing my husband more than 10 minutes in the last two days has certainly helped my outlook on life.
P.S. I'm sure we will be neighbors in Heaven if we don't get a chance before that. :)
Thank you, Addie for being a constant and nonjudgmental friend. Here, here: cheers to choosing happiness and cheers to you!
Not for wimps--amen to that! I'm so thankful for the other amazing women and moms I have met both in real life and through blogging. Yes, it's good to know we are all fighting this good fight on the same side.
Michele,
I love that we can be friends even though we've never met. You are an inpiration and your kind words lift my spirit!
Thanks, Carolyn. Yes, the neighbor boys helped fill in the hole. I am just glad that it is done with at this point. Thank you for your kind reminders. I felt like Heavenly Father was showing His love for me through the encouraging words of all you wonderful ladies who left comments on my post. Thanks for blessing my life.
Heidi,
It was definitely not the best week but I haven't given up on the year yet--after all it is still young, right? Thank you for your good example and especially for making me laugh with your post. I'm so glad we're friends.
Here, Here! This post was great. Life is always changing, ever complicated and yet at times it can be just what we want it to be. I like this post a lot as it's heartfelt and so very true.
Hey you...awesome post...I think that as women we expect too much from ourselves...partly from expectations from others and partly from ourselves....I think that your post is a good reminder to all of us that it isn't always double rainbows and unicorns....that we all get through the good and the bad..I believe those not-so-perfect days remind us of all the good that there is in our lives.
Have a super day Jill.
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